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An Antidote To The Teen Years

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By Dawn Zamanis

Published: April 17, 2007

For parents with young children, read on. Because before you know it, it will happen to your child. It's unavoidable, inescapable and even if you deny that it will ever happen to your kid, it will. Your sweet little angel will become a teenager.

Keep in mind that all parents started out with young innocent children. And their teens quickly became enigmatic beings, vehemently opposed to chores and compliance of rules. Suddenly, seemingly overnight, these once chatty, engaging kids changed into mere strangers. And asking them to take out the garbage twice weekly provoked the only distinct reaction of the week – thorough disgust.

Something happens when a kid reaches puberty and metamorphoses into a full-blown stranger. And it can't be stopped, although I hold out hope that somehow, somewhere in this vast world of ours, someone is working feverishly on an antidote to thwart off the teen years. An antidote that prevents or at least delays the process by which an otherwise happy, talkative, rational child turns into a fuming, complex, verbally uncommunicative, gruff kid whose seeming only goal in life is to make certain his or her parents are utterly miserable. To do this, they hang out with kids maybe less desirable, keep their bedrooms looking like the city dump and overlook chores and homework.

I must get my hands on that remedy before my three other children have another birthday.

The other morning, one of my twins waddled into my room in his character pajamas and plush football slippers and rested his head on my pillow. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes and smiled. I stared back with adoration and fear at once.

"Please, whatever you do, don't turn into a teenager, OK?" I asked.

Bemused, he scrunched up his face, smiled bigger and in his usual agreeable way.

"OK, mommy, I will try really hard not to."

Then we both burst out laughing.

"Of course you're going to grow up and turn into a teenager," I said. "I just wish it would happen later than sooner."

By that time, he was really baffled, so I tickled him, making him giggle. Then we talked about things that mirrored the sweet innocence of his age. He had just turned 9 a week earlier, and I wanted to hold on to that age for dear life. It had already been a week since his birthday, and before I knew it, a month would pass, then six, then an entire year. And that pattern would repeat itself for the next four years until he would grow to be what I feared the most – a teenager.

For those of you who are currently raising a teen, and even those who have young ones (and can't even fathom what you will be faced with in a few years), I've put together a survival list that no parent with a teen (or pre-teen), or anything remotely resembling a teen should be without, (along with some real-life advice).

The following is a list of things you will need to purchase, install or alter if you have a teenager or one on the way:

1. A chain lock at the top of every door in your home, installed high enough that it would take serious effort to yank it off.
2. An alarm that sounds when the door has been opened. Set it just before you go to bed to ensure your teen is staying put for the night.
3. A fully stocked refrigerator at all times. A teenage boy eats as if his stomach is a bottomless pit, and teenage boys without food are hazardous.
4. 911 on speed dial.
5. On speed dial, the phone number of your best friend who has a teen.
6. Parental controls on every electronic or media source you own.
7. A list of every friend your teen has ever been known to hang with, plus the full names, phone numbers and addresses of their parents.
8. The keys to your car locked away in a secret location.
9. Your car locked away in a secret location.
10. A lock on your liquor cabinet and on your medicine cabinet. Hide those keys, too.
11. The Holy Bible, the Torah, or the prayer book of choice – trust me, you'll need to pray, even if you've never prayed a day in your life.
12. The poison control number placed in a prominent location.
13. Hide your teen's shoes at night. Seriously, teens sneaking out of the house are a major problem, if you haven't realized this already.
14. Time set aside every day to attempt a conversation with your teen. Communication is key to knowing what's going on in a teen's life, and they need to know you care, even if they don't say one word.
15. Family dinners together. Try your best to sit down to dinner as a family at least five nights a week. It makes a big difference in the choices your teen will make when he or she is not with you.

This list is not by any means meant to frighten you. You may not need to do all of the things mentioned. But prevention is the key here in raising a disciplined teen. He or she will test the boundaries, call you names you never thought existed, slam doors more times than Joan Rivers has had cosmetic surgery and run you ragged for years.

But you'll survive it because you will have the wherewithal to deal with it and the ammunition to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control.

The biggest faux pas that parents of teens make is failing to verify stories and facts. Don't take your teen's word that he or she is spending the night at a friend's house. Call the parent of that friend to verify. This is a must. It is a step that all parents must take to ensure their teen is not duping you into believing what is most likely a lie.

There may not be an antidote to delay or prevent the inevitable teen years, but as parents we can do a lot to thwart off poor decision-making and dangerous choices our teens might make if we continue to communicate (even if it's one- sided), verify the facts and get to know our teens' friends and their parents.

Dawn Zamanis is a Valrico resident and the mother of five sons. She has been a freelance writer for national magazines and news publications and can be contacted through thebrandonnews@mediageneral.com.

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