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Laundry Gets Personal

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By Dawn Zamanis

Published: March 13, 2007

I'll admit, I have a strange and unusual obsession with laundry.

Perhaps it is because I spend three-quarters my waking hours doing laundry for six people. But more than that, I have yet to adjust to having an outside laundry room – or rather, having my washer and dryer in the garage, where the door is often left open to accomadate the flow of teens coming and going.

Still, I have a real problem with the neighbors catching a glimpse of me washing my undergarments in clear view of the entire neighborhood. I think laundry is a private affair, and as such should be conducted in a private area of the home. Heck I'd even feel better dragging all my dirty laundry to a Laundromat and washing it all there. At least there I'd be surrounded by strangers rather than my male neighbors who see me washing my panties, and then knowing full well that underneath one of my rather conservative business ensembles I could be wearing any one of those panties on any given day.

Yes, if I had my pick, I'd much rather wash my undergarments in the presence of total strangers. After all, what are the chances of ever running into them again?

And then there's the issue of the laundry that is sitting in my garage waiting to be washed. The whites especially make me very uncomfortable. Many of a woman's most personal effects are white, and not just undergarments, but sheets and sometimes even braziers. If you are like me, you are also too busy to always hand wash those mini straightjackets that women strap themselves into just to practice proper modesty. But we won't go there.

I don't feel comfortable with the fact that boys, teens and anyone else who comes into my garage to meet up with my sons, which is nothing out of the ordinary, knows what color my sheets are – or worse.

For the record, I do my best to keep all of my laundry stashed in the corner of my already-overcrowded, congested garage, but find I am running out of room. And I also find that after I wash the clothes, I must immediately remove them from the garage. Otherwise, they may very well become covered in the mix of dust and leaves that blows in off the street. Sometimes, I leave the most revealing basket in the hall, just inside the house, until it's time to wash those items. But it's a rather annoying inconvenience. I just a little want simplicity when I am washing upward of 35 loads of laundry per week. Is that so much to ask?

In Brooklyn, we had a washer and dryer in the basement. It could not have been more remote. No one ever saw my laundry- except for family members. And as you well know, your own kids will do anything and everything not only to avoid doing the laundry but to act as though it doesn't even exist – unless their favorite pair of jeans is missing. They will literally dump an entire day's worth of clean laundry on the floor until they've found what they've needed, and then meticulously shove every single piece of clothing back into the basket, sometimes compressing it with their foot so that it all fits back in the basket. I've been witness to this heinous behavior.

It is true, however, that giving birth to kids means giving birth to a whole new career -- one that involves round the clock clothing care and maintenance. It is also true that, right before my eyes, my little bundles of joy produce large bundles of laundry quickly. And the older they get, the more laundry they accumulate in the dirty pile. Because, as all moms know, that's how a boy cleans his room. Anything and everything that is washable or waterproof gets shoved into the laundry basket. And as all moms also know, the majority of everything washable and waterproof is what is lying on the floor or shoved under his bed. It would behoove any parent to properly train his or her child how to launder his or her own clothing. One good way to do this might be to wash his clothes – while making sure to place a new bright pink or red towel in with his best fashion garments. Don't worry, any damage done can be easily remedied by some Tide and a little Spray and Wash -- just don't tell your kid that.
He'll soon realize that his mother is completely inept at washing his clothes, and clothes are everything to a teenager. He will immediately stop trusting you with his laundry. This will force him to take on the responsibility by is or herself. Voila! Problem solved.

Still, this doesn't solve my dilemma. I shudder to think how many different colors and patterns of underwear and sheets my neighbors know I own. In my next life, I promise to live in a home with an indoor washer and dryer area. And if that's not a reality, I'll resort to a good old fashioned scrub board and rock and beat the soil out of my personal items, in my bathroom, inside my home, with the door locked! Because one too many trips to the Laundromat, and those strangers will soon become friends-friends who will soon know what lies between me, my bed and my jeans.

No thanks! I'll stick with the washboard.

Dawn Zamanis is a Valrico resident and the mother of five sons. She has been a freelance writer for national magazines and news publications and can be contacted through thebrandonnews@mediageneral.com.

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