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Who Is In Charge Of Public Manners?

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By DEREK MAUL | The Brandon News

Published: March 13, 2007

I'm wrestling with a challenging question and I'd appreciate some reader input. Here it is: Just who has the responsibility to address social conduct?

I have a number of reasons for addressing the issue, not the least of which involves second-guessing myself, but more on that later. You see, there's a leadership vacuum in our culture and the void is starting to show. It's a deficit illustrative, I believe, of society's inadvertent but precipitous slide into becoming excessively permissive.

I'm not talking about smut, porn, Joe Redner, "gentleman's" clubs, or any other private depravity. This column is about bad manners, public profanity, explicit speech, harassment, immodesty, discourtesy, insolence, disrespect, and other crimes against decorum.

Now that so many parents have opted out, now that we've applied so many restrictions that our schools are all but squeezed out, and now that we've pretty much told the preachers and the churches to butt out, just who exactly do we expect to pick up the ball?

Let me share the incident that forced me to think. Last week I was loading my car in the grocery store parking lot. Some of the employees were cutting up. Not a problem, it's good to have fun. But then I heard one of the young men yelling a sexually explicit "joke" that targeted a female co-worker. Not only did he lack discretion he obviously didn't care that customers were listening.

I was tempted to ignore the unseemly conduct. But I felt a responsibility to decency. The young man was less than 10 feet away so I turned and got his attention.

"Excuse me," I said. "But I don't believe that's an appropriate thing to say to a young lady."
I honestly expected the young man to be embarrassed and to acknowledge his faux pas. We'd chat briefly, shake hands, and then we'd be done. But instead he ignored me and walked away. So my teacher persona kicked in.

"Excuse me," I repeated, "I'm going to need some kind of a response here." We talked for a minute but he became surly and the conversation was fruitless.

Some friends have told me I should have gone directly to the store manager. But I rejected the idea for the same reason I seldom sent students to the principal's office - I sincerely believe most matters are best dealt with between the parties concerned. I didn't want the kid to lose his job; I wanted him to learn from the situation.

I'm trying really hard not to sound like a crotchety middle-aged killjoy. You know, the guy who complains about everything, yells at kids who cross his yard, calls the homeowner's association when people park on the street, and wants everything to be the same way it was back in the 1950's.

But that's not me. I embrace progress, I look to the future, I appreciate new ideas, and I respect the enthusiasm and the passion of youth. However, I can't deny that I'm genuinely concerned that America is facing a serious and growing deficit in the realm of social graces. Bad manners are an epidemic and they do affect our way of life.

So here's my dilemma, and this is why I honestly want to hear from my readers (just e-mail, please). Should I have ignored the behavior and gone home? Should I have gone directly to the store manager? Should I have yelled at the kid then walked away? Was I right to have initiated a respectful dialogue? Was it any of my business?

Then, and more generally, what is our responsibility as fellow citizens when it comes to public standards? Should every little detail be legislated and then left to law enforcement, or is it incumbent on the general public to regulate itself? How easy would it be for our society to become like a Taliban-regulated "morality-police" state?

What are our expectations when it comes to public behavior? Where is the line drawn between the freedom of self-expression and the right of other citizens to pursue happiness in an environment free from offensive conduct?

I'm looking forward to your thoughts. Meanwhile, in the words of Paul, "Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

Derek Maul is a writer who lives in Valrico. You can reach him at derekmaul@gmail.com.

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