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Ceremony to reach out to families who lost child before birth

Staff photo by YVETTE C. HAMMETT

Paula Simmons, left, of Riverview, lost a baby boy in December. She will join nurse Laurie Van Damme on Oct. 15 for the Third Pregnancy & Infant Loss ceremony in Adam’s Garden, in front of Brandon Regional Hospital. The ceremony is open to the public.

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By YVETTE C. HAMMETT | The Tampa Tribune

Published: October 8, 2009

BRANDON - When a family loses a baby after only days or weeks at home, the community grieves with them.

But when a family loses a baby months or weeks before an expected delivery, there is often a void.

"People on the outside don't realize how devastating it is," said Paula Simmons, of Riverview, who lost her baby at six and a half months, just two days after getting a clean bill of health from the doctor. "It's horrible."

Having a community ceremony, where families with like losses can come together, share their stories and grieve is necessary and very welcome, Simmons said.

A Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Ceremony will take place at Brandon Regional Hospital at 6:45 p.m. Oct. 15 in Adams Garden, a special sanctuary under the oaks, created especially for such families. The garden is in front of the hospital, 119 Oakfield Drive, Brandon.

"We started this because we really felt like there was a gap when a family loses a baby like this," said Laurie Van Damme, perinatal bereavement program coordinator for the hospital.

"We wanted to reach out to these families as best we could to bridge the gap between hospital and family."

The ceremony was first held three years ago, with about 15 to 20 in attendance. Last year, the number swelled to 175 as word spread through the community.

The hospital continues work to raise awareness of what an issue this is for the families who grieve. Just this year, Brandon Regional has seen 50 perinatal infant deaths.

During the ceremony, parents are invited to speak of their own loss if they choose. "Families need to hear from someone who understands," Van Damme said.

At 7 p.m., those in attendance will light candles and hold a moment of silence in remembrance of every baby that has died. It is a way to help the community realize how many are affected, Van Damme said.

Validating a baby's life, even when it is cut so short, is very important to the family, Simmons said. "This ceremony is a little something to say they were here."

A tile for Dillon Christopher Simmons is one of hundreds placed on columns in Adam's garden, named for Adam Cardman Allred, a baby who died all too soon and inspired Van Damme to start the program for grieving families.

"If you can't honor the life," Van Damme said, "how can that grief make sense?"

Reporter Yvette C. Hammett can be reached at (813) 627-4763.

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